The phrase “I’m looking forward to that” in this pandemic is one that we don’t hear very often. We can’t actually plan to do anything. In order to look forward to something, you need to be able to plan ahead for it.
I want to let you in on something. I don’t think that I would be alone in this declaration, nothing terribly new here, I would suggest, but here it is, I’m calling it, lately, I have been feeling kind of down.
Now, I reckon I’m a pretty positive person. I always try to always see the bright side and also taking time for mindfulness. I will admit it has been tough during 2020 and again this year. I think it comes down to the fact that in many ways, it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to.
ADDICTED TO TV LIKE ME?
This year, I found myself completely ensconced, way too deeply, in the TV show ‘Younger’. My cathexis with ‘Younger’ can only be attributed to the pandemic, well, I’m playing that card and sticking with it. After investing so much emotional energy and looking forward to the Season 7 finale, was left hung out to dry with an ending that I was not happy with, the writing made no sense, the storyline offered poor continuity. I wanted Charles Brooks and Liza Miller to live happily ever after, there, I said it out loud. I could not even look forward to and obtain the happy ending in a TV show! Yep, that just about sums up 2020-2021 for me.
I will say up front that we both have secure employment, my business is going well, my family is all healthy and we live a good for the most part happy life, so my feelings cause a real mind scuffle.
Has The World Stopped Spinning?
Our world does feel like it has kind of stopped turning or basically spinning slower. It’s like I’m living in some poorly written dystopian novel. Our day goes something like this. We wake and we wait each day for the latest Covid-19 update from our politicians in the mornings and then make a plan as to what our day might look like. I find myself watching too many crappy movies on TV, reading short, easy-to-read romance novels. Catching up with friends on Social goes like “what are you doing?” “Nothing Much” “Bloody Covid”, “Bloody Politicians”, quick subject change. “Yeah, how are the kids?”, “How’s work?”, “Seen any good recipes lately?”.
Unsettling Times
We plan something and then it gets canceled or postponed all because of Covid. So, actually, it’s best not to plan anything.
Let’s be real, the news is bad, it’s so horrendously sad, people dying all over the world, insufficient oxygen and basics PPE. Insufficient vaccines. There are people who won’t get vaccinated for whatever reason. The big one is that there’s climate change which is making our planet harder to live on. I’m overwhelmed and do, to a huge extent, feel powerless all at the same time.
The times are unsettling, uncertainty abounds. Is this really very different from any other time in history? Has our generation just been so spoiled until now with a lack of adversity, lack of discomfort, actually, I suspect maybe that is true?
Should I Be Feeling Guilty?
We live a life of abundance, in a state, in a country with brilliant healthcare, good education systems, a stable political system (though some of the politicians not quite so, perhaps). Yet, rather than being grateful, we find going without certain freedoms so repugnant that we complain because we have to wear a mask or can’t get a booking in our favorite restaurant. There’s genuine frustration when a party gets canceled when we have to go into a 3-day lockdown to stop the virus in its tracks so that we can get back to “normal” life again.
Our lives though are anything but “normal”. We can’t plan anything. We can’t travel freely about the globe. We can’t see the people that we love. We can’t jump on a plane when we want to visit family and friends. We can’t attend funerals and weddings and mark all the big moments together. Fundamentally, our freedom has been removed.
As a life-long planner and I have found that the pandemic makes planning beyond tomorrow almost impossible. You just never know what curve ball will come your way.
Finding Peace Where I Can
The one and only thing that I can plan is my garden, and luckily for me the gardens of my clients too.
I planted bulbs and I know that come the end of winter and early spring for certain, they will bloom.
I will prune the roses soon, and I know for certain that come spring I will have beautiful sweetly, fragrant blooms that will last all summer long.
I will fertilize my perennials and know for certain that they will bloom in spring and summer
I will fertilize my citrus trees and know for certain that they will bear fruit next Autumn.
It seems that the only thing for certain that we can count on is the certainty nature provides, that the sun goes around the earth, the seasons continue to change and nature continues on even though we humans cannot peregrinate the earth as we have become used to doing.
I don’t have the answers to what all this means, I don’t even know what the lesson is, but what I do know is that my garden will continue to grow and that in that space and that space alone, I can plan things and I can look forward to new growth and change in my own garden.
Waking up each day and pausing and being consciously grateful for what we do have and what’s here before us right here, right now is enough, for now, actually, it has to be, we have no choice.
Are We Ready For What’s To Come?
Do I feel guilty that suddenly I’m not busy enough? Is my life not chaotic enough? Should I be busier? Should I be planning for a post-pandemic metamorphosis?
My sweet friend in the USA, Katie, declared in all capital letters this past week “OMG I AM NOT READY FOR THE CRAZINESS OF THE BEFORETIMES, YET.” Maybe, some of us will never return to that.
In a way, I’m thinking it could be my time to slow down and not return to those “beforetimes” and not wear business as a badge of honor and just be grateful for the certainty and the simplicity that my garden can provide, for now anyway.
